We are once again having our fundraising garage sale in support of The Right to Wear White! Please mark your calendars to visit us on one of the following dates:

• Thursday, June 7, 2012 – 4:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.
• Friday, June 8, 2012 – 4:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m.
• Saturday, June 9, 2012 – 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.

Location: 2068 45 Street, Edmonton, AB

Donations are welcome! If you have anything you’d like to contribute, please call 780.497.2581 or email dawn@righttowearwhite.com to schedule a drop-off.

Sponsored by Rising Oaks Ministries, founders of The Right to Wear White

Join us at the Fantasyland Hotel in Edmonton for practical tips and tools for living pure in an impure world. (More info…)

The Right to Wear White Edmonton Retreat: April 5-7, 2013

The next edition of our flagship event will take place in the spring of 2013 at a brand-new venue. (More info…)

Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.Proverbs 13:20 NLT

“You are who you hang around with,” sounds like a strong statement to make. You believe, “You are who you are.” I do not want to stop that thought process; I want it to be an educated thought. Let me ask you this, do you act the same way with your friends that you do everywhere else? When you are hanging out with your family, when you are at youth group or in church, are you the same as you are when you are hanging out with your friends? If you are different, this would tell me that you are who you hang out with. For instance, does your language or the way you say things change (and this is minimal)? Where do you see the change? Do you perhaps try things your friends are doing just to fit in? Will you smoke, drink, do drugs? Will you date just to be like your friends?Say you are hanging around a group of friends that are experimenting in areas that are unhealthy or unsafe such as drugs, lying or stealing. What do you think others think about you? Your parents, teachers, youth group, any of the people in your healthy relationships are thinking, “If you hang out with them”, “You must be doing what they are doing.” You get labelled. Is this what you want people to think of your character? What if you are all in a group and something happens, such as one of them going into a convenience store and robbing it and the alarm goes off? This may be extreme but think it through. The police come and all of you are taken to the station. This is guilt by association, unfair, maybe, but true. What if you are in a car with someone who is drinking and driving, there is an accident and someone is killed. You are innocent; technically, as you were not driving; but remember, you did not take a stand for what was right. Extreme, maybe, but it happens more often than you know.

“Talk Time”

Mother’s Question: Did you act differently around your friends when you were young? Do you tend to change who you are around your friends now?

Daughter’s Question: Do you tend to change who you are around your friends now?

Agreement: We (your signatures) ______________ & ______________ agree to tell each other when we see changes of character around certain friends.

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, we pray for all the people that will come into our lives, that they are a positive influence. If they are not, we pray that you would help us to see it, and have the strength to let them go. We pray for all who struggle and do not know You. Lord, when there are relationships that are not good, show us how to share our faith with them. Amen.

Fools have no interest in understanding; they only want to air their own opinions.Proverbs 18:2 NLT

It takes many learned skills to make and maintain a friendship; it also takes many skills to end a friendship. Friendships that do not provide you growth, or damage who you are, should always be let go. I know, you are thinking, “What about the other side of that where the Bible says ‘love your enemies?’ How are we to do that if we always let them go?” Let me be clearer: you never should truly let anyone go, as they have crossed your path for a reason. So for now, you can distance yourself and pray for them.When do I think you should let a friend go? Sometimes we get into, or stay in, friendships that are unhealthy. If you have started to wonder why you are feeling resentful towards a so-called friend, is it really worth the investment of your time or energy? The following are flags for you to rethink your relationship.Ask yourself, does he or she…Consistently hurt your feelings? Chip away at your self-esteem? Spoil happy times with a bad attitude? Make you feel physically or emotionally ill? Waste your time by not showing up or calling when they said they would? Consume your time and energy by sucking you into their dramas and bad habits? Demand too much of your time and/or try to limit your contact with others? Offer friendship only at their convenience and express little interest in what’s going on in your life? Get in the way of your personal, emotional and spiritual growth?Speak behind your back spreading untruths or exaggerate truth for their gain?Always try to one up you?Speak badly about your other friends or your family?Do things you know you would never do or the people you care about would never approve of?If you found yourself saying yes to many – or most – of those questions, it may be time to end that friendship. A few tips for helping others understand your feelings:It is vital to separate the action from the person. Always use “I statements” when addressing the concerns. A simple way to remember that is by using “I feel” instead of “you make me feel”. An example would be: “When you say _____________ (fill in the blank) I feel bad about who I am as a person.” Not: “You make me feel bad.” Another example using a time issue: “We had agreed to meet at 8. It is now 8:30 and I have missed out on other plans.” If you are separating the action from the person you say, “When you do this I (not you make me) feel you don’t value my time.”Speak the truth. Always stand firm on your standards and seek help if the truth is something difficult to tell.Another example: “Angie, you are an amazing person in so many ways but the truth is I cannot be around you if you are hanging out in bars or with guys who are using drugs. If there is a time you want to just get a coffee, give me a call.”The other area where we tend to go wrong is using the words “always” or “never”. People neither NEVER nor ALWAYS do something. Even if it feels like never or always, make sure you say often or sometimes.Distancing yourself is a way to get out of a friendship that is unhealthy. Find things to do that feed your mind, body and soul, and schedule them. When asked what you are doing tonight you can say you have plans. Remember, plans can be just to go home and do nothing, or to wait for someone else to call. Enough times of saying no will usually tell the story.

“Talk Time”

Mother’s Question: Was there a time in your life when you had to let go of a friendship? How did that go? Is there someone you can think of that should be let go of and prayed for?

Daughter’s Question: Is there someone you can think of that should be let go of and prayed for? Can you set a plan to work that through?

Agreement: We (your signatures) ______________ & ______________ agree to trust each other’s desire for our well-being when we discuss who should be our friends and who should not.

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, help us to choose our friends wisely and to pray for those we may need to let go of. Amen.

I am a friend to anyone who fears you – anyone who obeys your commandments. Ps 119:63 NLT

Girls, ever wonder what guys think about friendship in general and with girls? The following are the answers we have received from our Guy’s Panel:Why do guys seem to not want to be just friends, then when you say no when they ask you out, they won’t talk to you anymore?It gets awkward.We don’t handle rejection well.We have difficult in being just friends.You can only be ‘just friends’ with a guy if he also wants to be ‘just friends’.Why does your personality change when you’re with your friends?Act differently around different people (different comfort levels).Not all of us are like that.We could ask you the same question…Why are you guys so nice when your friends are not around, but when they are you turn back into jerks?We don’t know, none of us are jerks.We suspect that those guys don’t truly respect you.How do your relationships with your guy friends and girl friends differ?Guys are more relaxed, you can joke around, be more physical.With girls we are more self-conscious, sensitive.Why can’t guys who like you just be friends with you?They feel awkward, they’re afraid of rejection.Peer pressure. They think that if you won’t be their girlfriend, you don’t want to be their friend.Guys look for friends or for girlfriends. The ones who are looking to be friends will be okay being your friend.When we tell you we just want to be friends, why are you so persistent?Sometimes when someone thinks they are popular and you won’t go out with them they feel rejected or challenged and push further.Sometimes when girls say they just want to be friends, they are just playing hard to get, and want you to push harder.If a guy really likes a girl, it’s really hard just to be around them as friends. So guys either hang around hoping it will change, or don’t hang around at all.I wonder if maybe we have to take a look at the fact that guys just don’t think like us and, if this is the case, maybe, just maybe, we should ask a guy’s opinion about certain things. Make sure that when you look for these answers you find someone you can trust to answer honestly. The best place to start would be your dad or older brothers. Girls, if there is no male role figure in your life, then ask your mom to help you find someone to walk you through these questions; a Pastor, Priest, youth leader, uncle, someone that can be trusted.

“Talk Time”

Mother’s Question: Did you find any of the guys’ answers surprising? Why?

Daughter’s Question: Same question: Did you find any of the guys’ answers surprising? Why?

Agreement: We (your signatures) ___________ & ______________ agree to always remember to ask questions and not to assume we know what people think.

Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for creating men differently from women, that together we can be all You have planned us to be. Amen.

Do not trust a neighbour; put no confidence in a friend. Even with her who lies in your embrace be careful of your words.Micah 7:5 NIV

Okay, right off the bat I can guess what you are thinking. She is going to say what every older person (watch older, I am still young at heart) says, “no guy friends.” Well you know what I really think? You should have guy friends. Otherwise how are you going to learn how guys think or act? Okay, Mom, relax. I have some areas of concern myself. So let’s discuss this between grown women.Let’s start by defining a grown woman’s relationship with a male friend. A mature friendship with a male starts with understanding a few very specific characteristics of how males act. God created men to be physical first and emotional second. In such, the physical aspect of a relationship with a guy has to be much different than with your girlfriends. This means hugging, holding hands, back rubs and any physical touch needs to be reserved for the one and only guy. I need you to understand that this is not the fault of guys. It is an inherent trait set by God for them to desire physical touch. With men, young or old, they think logically and need to understand your boundaries right off the bat. All men want to have clear instructions. You will hear it from men as you age, “Please! I cannot read your mind. Just tell me what you want!” Men need clear and concise information. Set the rules for the relationship right from the get go. For your reputation and your safety, time alone with a guy should be very well thought out and perhaps, not even allowed. One thing you will find as you grow older is that most of what you do will be done on an emotional basis. You will find it hard to separate your feeling from your logic. God has designed you to desire love. This means you will do things for love that you would never do for logic. Being alone with a boy puts you in a position of not thinking logically. There is also your reputation. This is something only you can protect. Yes, only you. You need to guard it with a vengeance as your reputation will take you places in your life that nothing else can. Guys can be friends; just make sure they understand the rules before you get involved. And for the guy’s sake, please do not lead them on. This devotional is written for girls but I would put the same information out to the guys. Just because they are more logical thinkers does not mean they do not feel. They have feelings too. You need to guard and protect their feelings as well, by not flirting and leading them on. Just one more tip moms if you don’t want your daughters hugging their guy friends perhaps you shouldn’t either.

“Talk Time”

Mother’s Question:Talk to your daughter about reputation and her desire to be loved. Only you can explain it in the way she will understand.

Daughter’s Question: Discuss with your mom how you feel about having guys as friends.

Agreement: We (your signatures) ______________ & ______________ agree to protect each other from relationships that would harm us or destroy our reputation.Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, help us to set good boundaries in all our relationships. Amen.

A friend is always loyal, and a brother is born to help in time of need.Proverbs 17:17 NLT

All the qualities we listed, which told you what good friends are, also apply to being a good friend. I do not know if you are anything like me, but I find making friends is difficult. I also believe there are too many people we call our friends when they are just a simple acquaintance. The energy and time it takes to be a good friend would indicate having many is impossible. I think clarifying your friends may be helpful. Here is a brief explanation of what the different types of relationships in your life may be:An acquaintance – someone you may see in a group setting but never alone; or you may see them only at certain times. These friends deserve your kindness and encouragement but until they cross the line into being a good/best friend you need to guard what you share with them and how much you do for them.A good/best friend – someone to whom all the good friend rules apply- be careful, though, because as I said before, you can never be a good friend to everyone; it would take way too much time and energy.Boy friends – now I am not saying boyfriend. Guys should be more like an acquaintance or a brother. The only guy who should be your good best friend is the guy who is going to become your husband. I’ll go into more detail on my thoughts about that in the dating section of our devotionals.

“Talk Time”

Mother’s Question: Talk about a time you invested into a good friendship and the wonderful experiences that came from that.

Daughter’s Question: Who is your best friend? How does your friendship measure up with the qualities listed earlier?

Agreement: We (your signatures) ______________ & ______________ agree to make an effort to be the best friend we can be; even to each other. Prayer: Dear Heavenly Father, show us how to be a friend like Jesus was. Show us where there may be areas we need to improve on the effort we put into our friendships. Amen.

• an Edmonton retreat in the spring of 2013
• *NEW* two-day conference event: November 9-10, 2012 in Edmonton

• Attend our special dessert and silent auction fundraiser on December 10 in Edmonton

OR

• Donate directly to the Philippines trip using the button on our donation page

Please keep us in your prayers as we prepare to take this huge step in our ministry!

• Our 2011 Edmonton retreat (the last retreat of the year!) is just a few weeks away—register now!
• Purity 101 is now available in select stores—see the ordering page for details.
• We now offer teen coaching (click for more information).
• Coming Soon: Our resident youth pastor will be answering questions from youth in a safe, anonymous Q&A format in a new blog segment called “Youth Talk with Pastor Ryan.” Email your question today!
• Watch for our 2012 fundraising garage sale happening next summer—and remember, we now accept online donations!